A Dying Old Man

I read somewhere that the worst moment is that when a person , taking his last breath, remorses about the lost opputunities he let go, the good relation turned sour and the dreams remained unrealised.
Year 2005 must be thinking something like that. Today , is the last day of 2005. Now 2005 would appear only in the past references. It can never be the Present, the all powerful Present again. One can only feel happiness and sorrows about the past. And one can only think about how the future will be. But what is certain and tangible is the Present. We can make our past and future only through Present. That's why the allpowerful Present.
I am not having any specific compunctions today other than some thoughts about the better ways in which i could have handled my studies, my office and my relations. Yes, i could have made a better usage of my time if i try to go as per the time table i made almost everyday and which i lost track off almost everyday. Had i done so, i would have made my old man "2005" dying peacefully.

Yours Mournfully,
Pankaj

I am in Bangaluru.

On 21 Dec, i landed up here. The weather in the city is really very pleasant. Monu came to the Kempe Gowda Bus station to recieve me. Then we went to Cubbon Park where Mummy Papa were waiting for us. Monu made a good plan to visit the place near to bus terminal so that it would be easy for us to assemble at one place. After Cubbon Park, we decided to see Vishweshvariya Museaum. The museaum now is in much bad shape when i compare it the last time we ( i and monu) visited in july'01. Most of the things are not working there. But still it is good for people who are interested even a little bit in science.
The masala dosa & kesari bhaat, we ate at South Indian restaurant (in BTM stage II) was superb. I am going to eat it twice a day till i am in Bangalore though Monu has set up a nice kitchen at his home.
On 22 Dec, we (Mom Dad, Monu and I) went to Lal Bagh Sanctuary. There are a lot many amazingly grown up trees in this sanctuary. One tree is there which is having such large roots that a person if stands between them would look like an ant. The Glass House, this time was not decorated with flowers as it was done the last time, we visited. And there is a Japanees (as they have spelt it there) Park which stands a full chance to cause a III world war if Japanese see it. It seemed to have become a forlorn area with no care at all.
That's the end of touring in Bangalore except some shopping at Big Bazaar & Forum.
Some other small vignettes about Bangalore trip this time.
Dinner at Ashu's Place
Ashu's wife Gouri really prepared a sumptuous dinner. But i could not relish it to the fullest extent because Monu had made us fill our belly with juice, bhel puri and pakodas in the evening. Still, we enjoyed the dinner very much.
Wicked Auto Rickshaw wallas
The only cunning people i saw at Bangalore were auto rickshaw drivers. Almost all of them have manipulated their meters. When we were going to Lal Bagh Sanctuary, we hired two autos from the same place and all along the route , one auto was following the another. But at Lal Bagh, one auto rickshaw was showing 35 reading and another 48. We scolded the latter and he very agreeably took 35 and went away. Another thing they do there is to round the meter the moment you step down from the auto. Then you'll say that the reading was say 25 but the driver will insist that it was 35. And this thing they do even with those who were born and brought up in Banglore. The Government should definitely intervene in this state of affairs as the auto rickshaws have become one of the most important public transport there. I am sure some regulation would come up but it would be the sooner the better.
Returning to Bombay
Due to Christmas rush, we are not getting reservation in any of the trains to Bombay. The availability is not there even in the Volvo Buses till 25 Dec.

Chalu Bangaluru.

I am going to Bangaluru today. The city has not been renamed as Bangaluru now but shortly Dharam Singh would do it. Bangalore has the reason to cheer. When Dharam Singh came to the power he has promised a lot many things to the city all of which he managed to circumsribe. But now he has decided something for the city. He would start by changing its name first. The new Bangalore has to a totally new Bangaluru. And it would give a chance to the poor man to give another set of promises not to Bangalorians again but to all new Bangalurus.

Best of Luck, Bangalurus.

Thank God, He is back.

These would be rare words when the "He" stands for a boss. But yes, today i am greatly relieved that my CAO has come back and i don't have to report to the looking after CAO any longer. This person is really a cool guy. He never complains of anything. I never heard him criticising anybody. He just completes his work and goes back quietly to his home. If a person is knowledgeable and confident of himself then generally he won't criticise anybody. The main purpose of any criticism ,as i feel, has more to do with the display that "i am not having that bad habit or weakness which that person has".
From Today onwards, i'll start my studies again, xlri admission test is fast approacing now. Many things would be left untouched if i fail to start studying now. A break of another 2-3 days would be there when i'll go to bangalore to meet mummy papa & monu. May be tomorrow, i'll be able to leave.
Time to go now otherwise i would miss my 6:35 local.

The Calmness Within

Today, i was just going through a newpapaer cutting, the spiritual tree to be precise, under the glass of DGM's table. It was an enlightening article by Sri Ravishankar. It starts with the endless efforts which we make to seek peace, joy and calmness in the life. But it doesn't lie outside. It lies within us. We have to discover and protect our own happiness. If you are upset even the moon irritates you, you get disturbed by the sound of some old melody being played out by your neighbour but if you are at calm with yourself, you would find all noises musical, the rain would appear as melting of sunshine and you would love everybody around you. You would be ready to overlook and forgive other's mistakes.
It is the paradox of our time that we build large houses but have smaller families, wider highways but narrow mindsets, we earn more but spend less on charity, we are more knowledgeable but having less wisdom, we have high rise buildings but short temper. The one who is free yearns for discipline. He would vow that he would be more disciplined than anybody else once he is having somebody to discipline him. Those who are subject to strict discipline yearns for freedom. The pursuit of one without another is bound to fail. We have to get one through another.

The Godfather

Last week was a tremendously busy one for me. Thatswhy i could not post anything here though i always love to be here, reading and writing my ideas. This week, i read Godfather ( Mario Puzo's classic, 1969). This book is about a person who rose from very humble background to become the a kind, generous don. He is sought after by people who are facing any personal or financial crisis. The don corleone gives them advice, monetary help or take revenge on their behalf. In return, he simply seeks friendship from them. The real strength of Don is that he always reason out anything. He is never carried away be emotions. His enemies killed his beloved son but he negotiated settlement with them even agreed to do the thing which he denied earlier and caused all the bloodshed. He did it because he knew that if he let his emotions drive him, he would loose his other sons too. His organisaton had become very weak. So he did not attempt at all to take revenge at that time. He initiated peace. His youngest son is now taking care of the organisation. Unlike his elder brother, he was like his father. Calm, Composed and having great Foresight. He let his earlier enemies but now sort of partners to send their people in his territory and chase his people away. He let No.1 position of his empire to go to the enemies. His own people started to disbelieve his capabilities but he always told them to wait and be with him. Actually, He foresaw the dangers lurking around the business of mafia. Therefore, he was making arrangements to shift to new businesses which are legal. When he had done so and sure of all the arrangements, he attacked his enemies who were feeling themselves totally safe from his side. In just one day, he killed two dons and his brother-in-law who had become traitor and helped his enemies in killing his elder brother.
The brother-in-law too was given greater responsiblities, a nearby house after the killing of elder brother even though he knew that this guy was part of the plot. But Michael waited to kill him. He deliberately sent the signals to his enemies that he is not going after them. He mounted the attack suddenly and wiped out his enemies alongwith having established an alternate business. The novel shows the strength of wisdom and patience. In this respect is a great fiction work.

How to pick time tricks ?

I have always been short of time. One of the greatest challenge seems to be managing time. It won't be there when i can give an eyeteeth for it but it is always there when i don't want it. Finding yourself at some occasion where unfortunately you ar not having anyone to talk with. We have to find one way or the other to kill this time. Or say, i am at Dadar station and want to catch a train to Borivili but i've just missed one . So, i have to wait for another 10 mins. Now what to do ? Staring blankly at people or what else ? Sometimes i buy a magazine to "utilise" such time-gap. But i couldn't even finish the editor's message that the local arrives. Now short on time. hmmmm. Want to prepare an urgent report but some friend (or fiend, that time) calls up. One has to just kept saying hm, hmm, hmmm, hmmmmm till the time the friend says " i think you're busy". Recall the exam mornings, i want to see that book ( God knows, how all the bird view techniques we learn on that very morning), that notes and yeah i have scribbled something on one register also.....
By now, i should have prepared some reports, taken snacks at the canteen (missed my lunch) but i am busy writing this post. I know i'll be delayed but what can i do in this ? Time is like that only ?